Finding Light in the Darkness

mother's love

Are you, or someone you know, suffering with depression? This is a lot more common than you might think, one in ten Americans are taking antidepressants and the stats are one out of five women over fifty. Common does not mean it is simple or that there is an easy cure. It’s a complex illness involving more than just your thoughts or blue feelings or brain chemistry. One of the biggest issues that makes depression worse is that people feel they can’t talk about it.

Not being able to talk about this illness for fear of being stigmatized and shunned leaves its sufferers feeling abandoned, hopeless and very lonely. Depression and isolation can lead to anxiety, and the overwhelming struggle to find hope or help from this dark place can lead to suicidal thoughts. Finding someone to talk to could be like a lamp that lights a path to a safer place.

Depression is Not Your Fault

Many people are under the misconception that depression can be turned around by “positive thinking”, or cultivating a better attitude through self-help books. The reality is that people who struggle with depression were often positive thinkers to begin with. People living with high ideals, such as religious or spiritual people, can fall into this category, and they may find it even more difficult to explain their depression considering its conflict with their belief system.

depressionDepression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can also have many other contributing factors.  A traumatic experience, prolonged stress with no resolution, a life threatening illness, unresolved childhood issues, loss of a loved one, and even dietary factors and lack of adequate sunlight can contribute to depression. Auto-immune illnesses, like thyroid disease, diabetes and others, often throw the body’s chemical balance off which can lead to an emotional imbalance. Depression usually has multiple causal factors and needs to be treated with a multi-dimensional approach. Doctors don’t have simple solutions or perfect answers.

Does Anyone Understand?

Self blame, shame and guilt lead a person further into darkness and hopelessness. This is why it’s important for a depressed person to be able to speak openly and honestly with others about their situation. Not just talking to doctors and counselors, because regardless of all their training, they still can not offer a cure for depression. There are treatment options, but those options have undesirable side effects. Patients can find themselves going around in circles for years with various medicines and counseling sessions but not really getting anywhere.

Imagine yourself or your loved one in this lonely situation: not being able to explain what’s happening to them or why, not being able to find hope or help from the medical professionals, and not being able to talk to anyone. You might be surprised to know that some people who experience depression don’t talk about it because they don’t want to burden others. Yes, they are often very caring and compassionate people themselves; sometimes they are the people who give too much.

A Beacon of Hope from Compassion

The one thing a person suffering with depression needs is compassion; not pity, not sympathy, but the genuine heartfelt acceptance of a person who expresses, “I care about you and I’m here for you”. The prevalence of depression and anxiety have risen steadily in 1st world countries as we experience greater and greater demands in our daily lives and find ourselves more and more disconnected from others. Watch this short video below as it expresses the point better than I can.

It can be difficult to know what to do to support someone who suffers in this way. The place to start would be to get rid of any concepts or preconceived ideas about the illness or what’s causing it, or how it should be treated. To help someone you have to come from a place of non-judgment. Even doctors and psychiatrists don’t know how to cure depression so why would you? All you can really do is be a friend.

Random acts of love and kindness can help to heal the heart

Some of the symptoms of this illness can give insight into better ways to support a person in this situation. Some noticeable symptoms may include, but are not limited to:

  • loss of interest in daily activities or previous hobbies
  • antisocial behavior
  • lack of energy or sleeping a lot
  • insomnia
  • physical pain
  • loss of appetite
  • lack of self care
  • irrational fears or worries
  • inability to work or keep a job
  • feelings of worthlessness
  • inability to feel joy
  • crying a lot
  • no outward signs, but they might tell you if they trust you

A person with depression may hide their disease by being overtly positive, or may hide himself, by staying away from social activities or events. They may become a workaholic, getting lost in their perceived purpose, or they may be unable to work. They may have any combination of symptoms, and the best thing a friend can do is to help them get beyond those symptoms by doing things together that they won’t do alone.

If you know someone who’s depressed, stop by to engage them in friendly conversation, take them to a movie or out to dinner. If you share an interest or activity, find time to do that together. Maybe they don’t have the money to buy supplements, get a massage or join a gym or yoga class; perhaps you can give them a self care gift or join an exercise class together. Seek to understand the heart of your friend and what used to give them joy, then maybe you can even find a way to make them laugh again.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to “Finding Light in the Darkness”

  1. WordPress › Error

    There has been a critical error on your website.

    Learn more about debugging in WordPress.