The Secret Sauce for a Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

As the holidays draw near there is much excitement, but also a little dread. Who knows what family members will say and do! We are all familiar with Rockwell’s iconic painting of Thanksgiving. It looks so inviting. It’s the image we hold in our heads of a good Thanksgiving. But then the relatives show up in all their imperfect glory, and who is to say how the day turns out.

I am reminded of SNL’s “Thanksgiving Miracle” parody of Adele’s song “Hello”. It highlighted the difficulties of gathering generations and people from different backgrounds around one table. In this case, fortunately, Adele’s song momentarily united everyone. It’s hilarious and definitely worth watching. But I had to consider, what can unite everyone, and make Thanksgiving a harmonious and happy gathering?

How to Enjoy the Family Gathering

We can all lay claim to testy relatives. There’s the relative that’s always itching for a fight. I’ve seen that one in real time. There’s the person you feel you are walking on eggshells with, never knowing when an explosion might come. Or maybe it’s just simply a lack of connectedness. It’s not all dark. There are so many happy times too. So, what is the secret sauce for a happy Thanksgiving?

It’s all about relationships. But what kind of relationships? And how do you take a relationship from zero to ten? There is a lot of wisdom out there to support and improve relationships. Right now, I’m reading Real Love by Gregg Baer. It’s all good stuff. But there is also one story in the Bible I often come back to, as a source of inspiration.

The Story of Joseph

Joseph had a truly messed up family! The 12 sons came from several mothers – that didn’t help them all get along. The father, Jacob, seemed to have a favor Joseph, so he was picked on by his brothers who were jealous. It wasn’t useful that Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers. His dreams predicted that all his brothers, who incidentally were older than him, would bow down to him. This prediction did not grease the wheels of their relationship.

Oh, and he had a coat of many colors that was presumably better than others. Soon the brothers were plotting to kill him. They ended up compromising and selling him into slavery instead, happy to be rid of him.

Long story short, Joseph goes through many trials in Egypt, including false accusation, and imprisonment. But God delivers him, and he rises to fame and fortune. He is then in a position to save his brothers who are threatened with starvation. The brothers are obviously nervous because they know what they did to Joseph.

Seeing from God’s Viewpoint

It’s the stuff of soap operas. But what I like most about this story is Joseph’s reaction when his brothers fess up that they’re afraid Joseph will kill them. Instead of the anticipated revenge, Joseph reassures them:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20

I think this is such an incredible example because he didn’t try to whitewash what had happened. He maintained that yes, his brothers had intended to harm him, but he didn’t bear a grudge because he saw how God had used his circumstances to bring about goodness.

If Joseph had not been sold into slavery and imprisoned, he might never have met and impressed the Pharaoh. This connection allowed Joseph to be in a position of power with the ability, through wise management, to prevent a famine.

Joseph’s example of being able to transcend bitterness is a door opener that shows us how to escape resentment. Resentment is a prison that we lock ourselves in. I sometimes think about how to apply this in my daily life.

Learning not to react

The other day, I was helping at an event. Trying to make sure everything is perfect, and running smoothly is a recipe for stress! I wanted to pass on to a colleague a message about the needs of one of our speakers. As she was doing hospitality this seemed like an appropriate thing to do. As I began to explain the speaker’s needs, my colleague became a mini tornado, blurting out, “Do you think I can’t do my job….”

Whoa! I hadn’t expected that. In the moment, I realized that I could allow her sharp words to harm me, or I could allow them to be “intended for good.” The gift for me in that situation was that I could stretch my heart of compassion. This person must feel insecure. I could react to her words or come back with love. How many family holidays have been ruined because we reacted to one another instead of digging deeper.

Fill in the gaps with love

Digging deeper to love was at the heart of Rev. Moon’s ministry because a lack of love is at the core of all humanity’s problems. He encouraged us:

True love can melt even our enemy. We want to become owners of the world based on love. Love is the pinnacle of hope for humanity.” On a very practical level he said, “Love has the power to enhance that which is insufficient, to reinforce or strengthen that which is inadequate, and to complete that which is lacking.”

We have to use love to fill in the gaps. I thought about my colleague and realized that instead of reacting to each other, we need to see the inadequacies in others as an opportunity to fill that space with love and understanding.

Going beyond a “Me First” mentality

We live in a culture that encourages us to think “Me First”. In fact, “Me First” has been a problem since the beginning. This nature has been handed down to us, generation after generation. This is sad because it’s the exact opposite from how the Universe works. A foundational concept in Rev. Moon’s teaching the practice of living for the sake of others. When you are in the “Me First” mode you are easily offended. When you are thinking about others first, you can pause and understand, and that naturally fosters love.

I encourage you to read Proverbs 18. If it was published today it would probably be re-titled, “An Idiot’s Guide to Relationships.” It has some timeless advice.

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” This might describe some of the people who are invited around your Thanksgiving table. That’s always a hard one to digest! The author goes on to say, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

Love has the power to darn holes

To really enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday means to enter it with a heart of love, remembering that we all have flaws and limitations. Be willing to fill in the gaps. We can remember Joseph who chose gratitude when he decided what his brothers intended for evil, God darning a holeintended for good. Perhaps the limitations of others allow you to fill-in those places that are empty. It may be that God intends some of these encounters for your good because through them you will surely grow.

These days people no longer darn socks, they just throw them away and buy a new pair, but in the past, a hole would be repaired by darning, weaving the thread in and out until the hole was completely filled. We all have holes in our hearts and we need the threads of the relationships in our lives to weave across the tears and gaps. We can do that for each other.

When you make the conscious decision to be there for others instead of “Me First”, it’s easier to not be offended. You are there to enjoy and uplift others – to fill in the gaps and weave everything with love.  When you do that life becomes interesting and exciting every day. Rev. Moon shared:

“People living ordinary, self-centered lives lack stimulation. But if your life is filled with God’s grace, you will feel newness in your spirit every day and experience your surroundings as ever new and fresh. Every morning there is something new; every evening there is something new. When God’s grace is rolling in like waves, you can feel the mystery in three dimensions. Anyone who experiences life like this is a happy person.”

Having a happy Thanksgiving is available to us when we put our hearts in the right place. First Corinthians 13 is usually read at weddings, but it makes for a great “heart reboot” before attending the Thanksgiving holiday. In fact, perhaps you could read it as a blessing on the feast.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Family is the school of love and the place we can practice until perfect! We can thank God this Thanksgiving for the love we have in our families.

“What is God’s purpose in creating human beings?  He did not create them just to watch them go about their daily lives.  He did not create them to just grow old and die.  God created human beings to have us build a God centered haven of love.  We are created to grow to maturity in love, communicate with each other through heart, and then build God’s Kingdom on earth.”  9/1/68, March 21, 1970

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