Failure is Your Freedom to Grow Uniquely Wise

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Nobody invites failure and yet, ironically, Pinterest is bursting with quotes on the value of it. We are caught in a divide between two outcomes, and left with the question, “Do I dare fail?”

Every first born (they are known for their perfectionist natures) will advise against anything that risks failure. They typically fear scoring anything less than an A. But common sense tells us that our lives can’t be perfect.

Dangers of Ignoring the Growth Period

Those of us brought up in religious homes often feel the need to be perfect. We find it difficult to discern the line between striving to live the ideal and dealing with the realities of life’s journey. History and society are full of examples of individuals exhausted by the effort to keep up the appearance of perfection, while struggling with issues that drag them down. We are afraid to be real because of the never-ending pressure to be “perfect”. This is a big problem!

Pretense inhibits the possibility for real growth. The Divine Principle sheds some interesting light on this issue, and I often think that it’s too bad we don’t spend more time reinforcing the core concepts it teaches, under the section on the Period for the Growth of the Creation.

This portion of the Divine Principle clearly lays out that growth occurs through three orderly stages. It says that “In order for any creature to be perfected, it must grow to maturity through three orderly stages of formation, growth and completion.” The Divine Principle acknowledges that “All things were created to reach perfection (or maturity) after they have grown through the three stages. Humankind could not have been created apart from this principle.”

The Journey Requires Some Slack

In other words, it’s impossible to be “perfect” before going through the three stages of growth, and yet we constantly put pressure on ourselves and others to be perfect from the get go. This irrational expectation hurts us.

How would our lives be different if we gave ourselves, and others, some slack? We have all thought, “I shouldn’t have said that” or “My insincerity hurt that person.” But we find it hard to forgive ourselves and end up frustrated and angry.

I’ve been watching Netflix’s “The Crown”, which explores the life and times of Queen Elizabeth II. It’s interesting to watch her grow and evolve as a monarch. It was sometimes a painful journey that took a lot of forgiveness on her part, but also on the part of others, especially her husband. She became Queen at a young age and had to figure out so much by herself. In one sense, that is everyone’s journey. How do I live my life? How should I act? What’s my purpose? Of course, we have mentors; friends and family to guide us, but in the end, much is up to us.

The real failure is getting stuck in regret

While figuring out who we are and what we should do, we make many mistakes. It’s important to understand that mistakes will inevitably be made. In fact, this is often how we learn the most valuable lessons. But you would never suspect that if you polled people about how they Failure is success in progressfeel about failure. Too often, the possible life lessons are lost in the guilt and shame we feel. I read an interesting quote the other day, which reminded me to let go of remorse about failure:

“Chronic remorse is a most undesirable sentiment. If you behaved badly, repent; make what amends you can, and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time…Rolling in muck is not how to get clean.” Aldous Huxley

I especially like the last line! I know I have needlessly spent way too much time rolling in muck.

Everything grows through stages. It’s a natural phenomenon. I realize I embrace it in some areas of life but not others. For example, I’m taking a strength training class and have to confront that I’m not flexible enough to do the splits like my instructor. I understand it’s a process and am quite patient with the time it will take me to reach that level. But in other areas of life, to my detriment, I am far less patient.

Your Struggles Make You Wise

The Divine Principle explains that humankind has a Portion of Responsibility during the growing period, whereby it’s our job to figure it out and make good decisions. Wisdom wouldn’t be wisdom if we were just delivered all the answers without effort, or everything was left in the hands of an almighty God. Wisdom comes from struggling to understand; to keep believing, to mature oneself, to learn the best way. It’s often accompanied by failure, which nevertheless, ironically can teach us the most.

“Your personal life, your professional life, and your creative life are all intertwined. I went through a few very difficult years where I felt like a failure. But it was actually really important for me to go through that. Struggle, for me, is the most inspirational thing in the world at the end of the day – as long as you treat it that way.” – Skylar Grey

To ignore the growing period that the Divine Principle talks about, is to ignore a fundamental principle of the Universe. Although it may seem appealing to wish for everything to go perfectly in our lives, we would never become the deeply wise, interesting and truly loving people that God hopes to meet when we cross the finish line.

 

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