Last weekend we volunteered for a Spring clean-up project at Morning Garden in Gloucester. On the way home, my husband asked me, “Did you see Silvia? She positively glowed. Her spirit was so bright. I’ve never seen her look more beautiful.” He then went on to share about her journey with cancer.
Silvia had shared with him how suffering through cancer treatment transformed her. She began to see life in a different light. She became more patient with others. It gave her a different perspective. She explained that in a curious way she was grateful for the suffering she went through because it transformed her.
Is Suffering Necessary?
A part of me rejects the notion that we are transformed through suffering. I don’t want to believe that we inevitably must suffer, or that it’s necessary for growth to occur. That seems a bleak view on life.
But when I consider my own life, I must acknowledge that suffering has transformed me. I was grappling with this when my friend, George, raved about a book he was reading entitled, “Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life”, by Richard Rohr.
“Falling Upward” does presume that suffering is sent to us so that we may grow. I still challenge that notion because why would a loving, parental God create suffering as a prerequisite to growth? Something to think about. Nevertheless, there is a great deal of insight to be gained between the pages of this book. Rohr takes us on a tour to explore this unique journey in life.
The Path of Transformation – moving from phase one to phase two
Rohr proposes there are two halves to life. In the first phase, you are building a strong container. You discover your script so to speak; creating your identity. You are shaping your life. If you’re part of a faith tradition, you adopt the rules, follow the traditions, and engage in the spiritual practices.
It’s all good. You’re safe. Your life is habitual and reassuring. This phase is valuable because it allows you to develop your spirit and character in positive ways. However, there’s a subtle danger if you stay in this space your whole life. The surety you have can easily lead you into fundamentalism and you may never encounter phase two of your journey.
In phase one, you’re obeying other people’s rules, learning from the wisdom of the great ones. But God wants you to own it; to become your own great one. Hence, the need to journey to phase two.
The big question is how to go from phase one to phase two? Everything encourages you to stay in phase one; after all, it’s comfortable, acceptable, and predictable. It’s reliable and doesn’t expect too much of you! This is where a little suffering goes a long way.
Pushed Out of the Comfort Zone
I still don’t believe you necessarily need suffering, although it may help. Maybe what is needed is change – doing life differently, and a little suffering provides the impetus to get us to that place.
We often need a push to go from phase one to phase two. This seems to be a pattern in history going back thousands of years. God told Abraham to leave his prosperous home and travel to Ur. I’m sure his wife wasn’t too happy with that one. In that journey he discovered things he probably would never have learned if he had stayed in his hometown. It was this kick in the pants that led him to become the father of faith for three world religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam. That’s a big deal!
There are so many examples. Nelson Mandela comes to mind. He credits his non-violence philosophy to his suffering in prison. He didn’t choose prison, but it took him to phase two where he discovered a deeper faith because he was not just believing in something but found within himself the ability to live it. Real integrity comes when we purify our intentions; we become honest about our motives, and we live-out our beliefs.
Radical Phase Two Living
I think of Jacob in the Bible. He was kicked out of his home when he “stole” the blessing that was intended for his elder brother, Esau. There was no reconciliation to be had! Esau was out for blood, and Jacob wisely fled.
Over the next 21 years Jacob learned a thing or two. He was transformed through various injustices forced upon him by Uncle Laban. It’s amazing what relatives can do! Through his suffering, Jacob became a more compassionate, wiser soul. He entered phase two of life.
Finally, when Jacob met his brother again, he knew the only way to reconcile was to offer Esau everything he had gained. Freely and without reservation. That’s radical, phase two living. This act provided Esau with the impetus to let go of his resentment and anger. The two brothers could finally embrace.
Learning Life’s Lessons
When you go down (into suffering) you understand the value of going up. After his journey, Jacob understood up. Over the years he had become wealthy and influential. But he was no longer of a mindset to abuse his position and power. He had become a phase two man.
His early life had built him a sturdy container for his faith and character. His mother played a strong role in his development. But it was in being pushed out, challenged by change, and going on life’s journey that he discovered how to live beyond the walls of his faith. This allowed the true love of God to permeate his being in a more substantial way.
In phase one living, we want to control others. But in phase two living, like the victorious Jacob, we want to stand for someone else’s greatness. In phase one, we easily see fault in those around us. In phase two, we notice our own shortcomings, and are focused on making amends.
2nd Law of Thermodynamics Applied to a Spiritual Life
Rohr notes the usefulness of being kicked out of your comfort zone by relating it to the 2nd law of thermodynamics. According to this law, 
everything winds down unless some outside force winds it back up. From time-to-time, our spiritual lives benefit from an outside force to wind us back up and keep us growing. Rev. Sun Myung Moon was a master of moving things around to keep us moving forward.
I responded to many a call, and I’m deeply indebted to the way my life was transformed through various adventures, at his prompting. Although I traveled with the intention to serve others, I was the one who received the most. I became a bigger person. I came to love the people of Vanuatu – something I would not have done if I had just lived comfortably at home. I traveled to North Korea, and Russia shortly after the CIS was formed. I encountered people all over the world and saw life differently as they shared their lives with me. It was not all easy, but I am forever grateful.
I find myself agreeing with the American Indian saying, “No wise person ever wanted to be younger.” I wouldn’t trade all that I am learning and inheriting from the heart of God for youth!
The Divine Principle advises not that we suffer for suffering’s sake, but that we embrace indemnity. Indemnity sometimes involves suffering but always requires change! Indemnity is compensation, repayment, or restitution, for something.
We are not living according to our original nature gifted by God; a nature that seeks truth, beauty and goodness and is always loving. Instead we are dominated by another nature that motivates us to be selfish, cruel, lustful, corrupt and power hungry. Definitely the dark side. The Principle says there is a way out and that is to offer conditions of indemnity or acts of restitution.
I’m sure Jacob suffered in restoring his relationship with Esau, but through it both brothers became whole. Never be afraid of indemnity as it offers a way up, and when it gets too difficult the grace of God reaches down and lifts you further.
Sometimes suffering can be its own treasure
Rev. Moon taught me to digest suffering by knowing that each stab to the heart is a window into God’s own heart. He didn’t view God as an almighty, powerful being who lives in a state of transcendence above the fray of human life. He introduced me to a vulnerable, sensitive God who is present with his children, and suffers alongside them. Rev. Moon always said, “When you know the heart of God you can never leave him.” Phase two living isn’t about your religion or just believing in God―but knowing God. It’s about allowing God to be in every, I mean every, aspect of your life.
All life is holy
“Unpack the dirty elements inside yourself and cleanse them. Open the baggage of your mind and look what you find there. Don’t harbor selfish feelings. Repent publicly for any selfish feelings you may have entertained. Practice the virtue of meekness. If you push yourself to develop these attitudes, then the spirit world must descend to assist you.
Respect all things as holy things. Respect all men as holy men. Respect yourself as a holy person. Respect your mind as holy. Respect your body as holy.
Pay deep respect to all people, no matter what kind of person they may be. As a child, be respectful towards an elderly man. Think over your words three times before uttering them, and always have a humble attitude. Always share with others the best thing you have. Empty your pocketbook to give. Then you will deserve the best result. If you do not do good for your fellow man, you will have no sleep. If you have done good, then your mind will rest in peace.
You must name yourself as the dwelling place of God. Then all good spirits will touch you. When you go to bed, lie down with a beautiful mind. Remove all ugliness from it. In the morning when you wake, come before the deep bosom of God. Then, when you start your daily activities, you will embark from the throne of God.”- How to Gain Spiritual Help, Rev. Sun Myung Moon
When you live this way every day, you will find your life is transformed beyond your imagination! Feeling stuck in phase one living? Take a courageous step outside the lines and discover the next phase of your life. God will be there with much to offer you. You don’t have to wait for suffering to visit you, you can decide to move forward on your own accord.
