Helping, Serving, Digging, Loving!

Service 1

Camp Aurora offered many hours of service Memorial Day weekend in support of Geneva Point Center, which hosts our annual summer camp. It’s a lot of fun but not for the faint-hearted! Tamami and Virginia found themselves in charge of digging a rather long trench, and the wood splitters faced a monumental number of tree limbs to cut. But there is a certain energy and joy that comes with service, no matter how hard the task.

It’s easy to go into a volunteer activity and just focus on what needs to be done – the cabins that require cleaning, the fallen tree limbs to be moved, the leaves to be swept. However, Madison, who led the group of volunteers, invited us to step back for a moment and think about the mindset that we have. He’d brought with him a very interesting article, “Helping, fixing, serving” by Rachel Naomi Remen.  The article challenges the reader to think about what’s behind the words we use when we volunteer:

Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.”

Are You Really Helping?

It’s natural to want to help others but the word “help” does indeed imply a superior position – I have something to give you that you don’t have. It’s not really an empowering perspective for the recipient. This article made me think! The act of helping may inadvertently take something from the recipient, whether it be their dignity or the sense that they have the ability to do something for themselves.

Rachel Remen proposes that the concept of “service” changes the equation because we approach our actions and relationships from a very different perspective. She says:

Service rests on the premise that the nature of life is sacred, that life is a holy mystery which has an unknown purpose. When we serve, we know that we belong to life and to that purpose. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing.

Inter-connected Through Serving Each Other

I like this idea that all life is holy and that is what motivates us to serve. We are inter-connected and so it is natural to serve. It reminded me of a beautiful speech, “How to Gain Spiritual Help” by Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

“When you see another person, how much do you care for him or her? How do you feel towards that person? You must really love the people you meet, because they are the temples of God. When you touch another person, feel that through your touch, both of you will be blessed.

Respect all things as holy things. Respect all men as holy men. Respect yourself as a holy person. Respect your mind as holy. Respect your body as holy. Pay deep respect to all people, no matter what kind of person they may be.”

With this mindset, any action taken is elevated to a different level. Instead of just feeling “helped” or “needy” a recipient of service will feel respected and valued. This mindset generates an equality – there is no one giver or one receiver, for both are givers and both receivers.

Rev. Moon went on to say:

“When you give to others, don’t think that you are giving to them out of your own pocket. Give as though it were coming from a heavenly treasure. Then the person who is receiving through you is actually receiving from God.

Make your company or workplace a dwelling of God. Don’t just feel like a worker or supervisor. Invest your heart in your work. Determine to make it a business that will serve all people. Then wherever your business goes, it becomes God’s “love extension.” Whatever you are responsible for, give it your heart and soul on a 24-hour basis. Feel like you are the parent and it is your baby. Whatever you do, carry it out in partnership with God”.

Value People and the Relationships You Make

This attitude of serving vs. helping or fixing, puts value on the relationships and the heart and motivation behind it, more so than the technical expertise being delivered. You can give someone much needed food but if they walk away from the food bank feeling diminished your assistance counts for little. Or you can build a school for an impoverished community and the children of that village may end up seeing the adults they live with as less competent if the project is not carried out with mutual respect, and with recognition for the strengths of the community. Service leads with relationship.

Remen reminds us, “When we help, we become aware of our own strength. But when we serve, we don’t serve with our strength; we serve with ourselves, and we draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve; our wounds serve; even our darkness can serve. My pain is the source of my compassion; my woundedness is the key to my empathy.”

I am reminded of some amazing people I know who are in recovery and invest in serving people with addictions. They are not trying to “help” those who have substance misuse issues because they know that “helping” them would not work. However, by serving – understanding their journey, being by their side in times of darkness, respecting them, knowing their incredible value, and supporting them in connecting to the right resources, they can assist that person in their recovery. Remen points to this subtle difference in attitude.

A Local Model of Service

Another example of service that comes to my mind is the incredible work of Hamisi Juma and Safari Youth Club. Hamisi is a remarkable man who came to Manchester, NH after living for seven long years in a refugee camp having fled his native Congo during civil war. It was an incredibly arduous journey that began the day Hamisi, who was just 18, fled his home with his family, as soldiers ransacked the neighborhood, raping and killing as they went.

There was no time to grieve. They had to keep going to reach the safety of a refugee camp. While the camp provided a level of security, it also came with its own challenges. No one had wanted to leave their home or the life they had previously enjoyed. Huddled together in inadequate temporary shelter, they were dependent on food aid.

They watched as children suffered and were deprived of basic necessities such as education. This was tough for a group of people, including Hamisi’s parents and other community members who had served their community as teachers, doctors, and professionals. But all they could do was wait helplessly for their turn to be assigned a country of entry.

During their time in multiple camps, Hamisi and his friend, Chris, witnessed the many difficulties faced by displaced adolescents coming of age in these circumstances. Camps often lack the structure provided by traditional schools and a stable community, leaving youth vulnerable to violence, drug abuse and unwanted pregnancy. Hamisi and Chris, recognized that the best defense to such challenges was to provide much needed positive influence and structure for these youth. They teamed up with the organization Right to Play, which visited the camp. Safari Youth Club, Manchester, NHTogether they used the medium of play to educate and empower children to be guardians of their own health and active participants in their communities.

Fortunately, Hamisi and Chris were resettled in Manchester, NH. That was not an easy transition to make and they quickly learned that many of the problems faced by refugee youth in the camps persisted when the youth came to the United States. They thought they would leave their problems behind but instead they faced many of the same problems and a myriad of new challenges. It also became evident that part of the refugee children’s struggles stemmed from the difficulties parents faced in understanding the American school system and culture in general.

While the children quickly pick up English, the parents learn at a slower rate, resulting in a social disconnect between home, school and community. Hamisi recognized that parents need support and translation services, so they can know how to help their children succeed in America. Leveraging his experience from working with Right to Play, Hamisi set out to create an after-school program for refugee youth and their families in Manchester.

What sets Hamisi apart is his dedication to his community. He recognizes that without support, the refugee families slip between the cracks and the teen sex, unwanted pregnancies and drug problems that he saw in the refugee camps creep back into their communities. What makes it even worse is that the families are not acculturated to America and don’t understand how to succeed in their new home.

Safari Youth Club is so much more than an after-school program that offers homework help and sports. For Hamisi, helping these families is life and death. He treats everyone as family. He spends most of his waking hours supporting his fellow refugees. He helps them with paperwork, obtaining their driver’s licenses, getting jobs, and helping to advocate for those who have got into trouble. He is constantly assisting others, while also being the energy and impetus behind Safari Youth Club.

Hamisi used his experiences as the impetus to serve his community. He leads with respect for each and every person. To me, he is a model of service.

While our camp clean-up was a less grand gesture, it was still important! Our discussions on the difference between helping, fixing and serving got us all thinking about how we approach life.

 

 

 

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