It’s that time of year when New Year’s resolutions are faltering and we wonder why we even tried! I found a sliver of hope in a Tony Robbins video. He gave me permission to let go of my goals without giving up. That got my interest!

Tony made a good point: Resolutions, or goals, usually just become wish lists. He was speaking my language! I feel good about making a goal, but it all goes south from there.

Tony made the point that your goals should start with a strong vision. Your vision should describe what you really want, not what you should want. He said your vision should pull you up, not push you up.

Spinning in Denial or Creating Change?

This explains my poor track record on exercise. If I am honest, I am only doing it because I think I should.

A comedian talking about her spin classes reminded me that I am not alone. She divulged that she had only taken two spin classes in the last 12 months, but she talks about it as if she does it all the time! That’s about the level of my workout routine. Despite good intentions, something always comes up. So, I was more than eager to hear how Tony Robbins could save me from myself.

We often make goals because we seek lasting change in our lives. Lasting change is very different from creating a goal. Tony suggests that we think about raising our standards instead.

Raising the standard

This idea struck me as a more effective way to get to where I want to be. Tony explained, it’s a better approach because a standard is a “must”. It’s a practical solution to a problem because it addresses a sincere need within yourself. It points to your true potential instead of wishful thinking.

When you think about raising your standard, something inside shifts. Energy flows creatively toward what you want to do and be. When we make something a must it becomes part of our identity. We start to act consistently with our vision. It matters who we believe we are.

What we believe about ourselves is often shaped by past experiences. Growing up, I never liked sports, and battled a sugar addiction. When Tony said, “Our lives and bodies reflect our standards and identity, not our goals, it made a lot of sense. I can’t tell you how many times I made a goal to lose weight and never saw the fruit of my intention!

Make Life Work for You

Rather than establishing goals that we can’t accomplish, we should think about raising the standard. I decided to try this idea.

I had been reading, “Eat to Live”, and decided to follow Dr Fuhrman’s advice. I began to eat a nutritarian, plant based diet. Suddenly not eating sugar and processed foods became easy because what I had learned from the book raised my standard. My vision for a healthy life was stronger than the forces of the junk food industry, and finally I achieved my goal of weight loss without even having a goal.

On top of that I started working out. Not that I love working out, but I love the idea of being able to move and have strength. I want the energy to make my life work for me.

Most people lower their standards with age. They expect to do less; be less. But there is no joy unless you can become who you want to be at each stage of life.

The power of rituals

Tony Robbins talked passionately about rituals. Will power often falls short, but rituals will carry you through. One of the reasons that it’s hard to give up smoking (or other addictions) is there are so many rituals surrounding the behavior. Buying your favorite brand, lighting up, when, where and with whom you smoke. Habits are created through ritual.

You can use different rituals to change bad habits and recreate your life. Rituals are powerful, but you must design them to fit your vision of yourself. Rituals can give you momentum to live up to your higher standard.

If you want to be generous, you can create the ritual of giving every month to a charity or cause that you care about. If you want to create inner calm you can download a meditation app and use it when you feel your anger rising. Well-designed rituals can take you a long way.

Raising your standard helps you fulfill your true potential. There is nothing like the feeling of being proud of yourself for who you have become. If your New Year’s resolutions have fallen by the wayside, don’t feel bad. (It’s common.) Instead think about what you really want, and raise your standard. You will be surprised at how easy it is!