If you really want to delve into someone’s psyche, just ask them about their school experience. A surprising number of people internally cringe and recall a biting remark made by a teacher or coach that seemed to doom them for failure, putting success out of their reach.
My defining moment was when Miss West, a not so kind spinster, who always seemed to wear a lab coat even though she didn’t teach science, called my mother for a parent-teacher conference. I had just failed an exam – multiple choice questions confound me. I can always think of so many creative ways to make each answer appear like the right one. My poor mother received the call all parents dread. I have a theory that it doesn’t matter how old you are, you still go weak at the knees when invited into a Principal’s office. For some reason, she dragged me along to the meeting. There I was with the Principal, and my mother, when Miss West downloaded my destiny. It went something like this. “We have a very nice vocational school for girls like Heather. Heather has a very good heart and I’m sure she’ll find a suitable job one day.” I remember thinking “I don’t want to have a good heart, I want to be intelligent!” How I escaped my ‘destiny’ is a whole other story!
So what makes the difference? We have all heard of millionaires and successful people who escaped humble beginnings, or severe set backs. Their stories, while inspiring, usually seem far away. Nevertheless, we gobble them up, which is why books like Chicken Soup for the Soul and Reader’s Digest fly off the shelves. Still, our lives are not necessarily transformed or changed; success doesn’t just rub off from one person to the next.
Self help books abound filled with well known strategies such as work hard, set goals, stay focused, and commit to never ending improvement. It can be overwhelming. Which strategy do you pick? How do you even know which book to choose from the hundreds displayed in front of you; and can you really do it? Reading a book is very different from the tough work required to change habits.
And then there are the mantras such as one step at a time, practice makes perfect, never give up, or do it, then it will be done! All of those things are important and success cannot really be achieved without them. I never met a successful person who was lazy. But I believe the real beginning point of success starts with identifying your core genius. I love Unification Thought because it affirms that all of us have the potential for genius. According to Unification Thought each person is unique and carries within them the seeds of greatness, which when developed through education allows someone to leave their individual footprint on the world.
The study of Unification Thought allows us to understand that there are essentially three forms of education: Education of Heart, Education of Norm and Education of Dominion. While those terms may be unfamiliar they simply describe the means through which individuals can come to know God’s heart, develop the ability to love all people, and become responsible citizens. Education of Dominion is very specific to each individual because it is the education that focuses on supporting each person to develop their unique personal talents, skills and passion. It emphasizes teaching intellectual mastery, technical skill mastery and physical mastery. Thomas Edison said, “If we did all the things we were capable of we would literally astound ourselves.” Unification Thought empowers us to lead exceptional lives because it affirms our potential and clarifies that genius is not the private reserve of a few, rare individuals. Each and every son and daughter of God has the capacity for greatness.
The challenge is how to tap into our potential. Core genius can be thought of as your natural talent, the area in which you shine! It may take time, experience and opportunity to discover it. This is why it’s important to expose young people to a variety of opportunities. The diversity of subjects taught at the college level and the opportunity for internships can enable young people to seemingly stumble upon and uncover the genius within themselves. This is why higher education is so important. It took me many years to discover my areas of genius. I had to develop my natural talents through practice, study and self discipline. The payoff was that I became able to do what I was created for and what I am best at. My genius is conducting seminars, writing, and leading teams. I can do these things relatively easily and well. They energize me rather than tire me. I was writing a government grant not so long ago and realized that I was actually having fun! It was like a puzzle for me. I realized not too many people could say that! I was tapping into my genius, and when I finished writing it, I felt as though I was holding a work of art in my hands. Needless to say the grant was funded.
To create success in your life it is important to do what you love. Of course it’s essential to make money, but the most satisfying thing is to be able to have a career in the area of your genius. Greer Garson, a famous actress, said, “Starting out to make money is the greatest mistake in life. Do what you feel you have a flair for doing and if you are good enough at it, the money will come.”
This is where what I call “habits for success” come in. You need to discover your natural abilities and talents, your genius, but then you need to develop it. God put within each person the seeds of greatness but it is up to us to fulfill the promise we were born with. I think we often make the mistake of thinking about excellence in terms of “what” we do. We think of excellence in relation to our ability to play an instrument, or sport, or be an engineer. However, excellence is better characterized as the “how.” It relates in my mind to the investment we make in whatever we choose to do and in perfecting our ability to do it. External excellence is not reserved for the few talented people who excel in the arts or sciences. Rather, it is something anyone can achieve when they fully invest themselves in their chosen endeavor. I believe God invested the ability to achieve excellence in each one of us. Much to my chagrin, I will never sing well. No one in their right mind will ever say that my singing is excellent! However, being kind and thoughtful of others is important to me and I hope to achieve excellence in this domain. If I do, I will judge my life as successful.
Recently I was reading a book on intelligence. The author was promoting the idea that a much broader definition of intelligence is needed. He said that he deemed his mother, who was a waitress, to be highly intelligent even though society at large would probably not portray her as such. He described the kind of intelligence that allows someone to juggle various orders simultaneously while calculating when the food will be ready and deliver it while still hot and fresh, meanwhile intuiting when customers want a refill of their beverage. Additionally, she was able to remember each customer’s name and their food preferences, which naturally rolled off her tongue when they entered the restaurant, making each person feel that they mattered and were cared for. He marveled at the complex skill set this woman mastered when she had to suddenly enter the workforce due to her husband’s disability. Sometimes he and his dad would go the restaurant and sit in a booth just to watch her work. The proud way in which he described his mother at work showed me that she had achieved excellence as a waitress and because of her mastery she had created beauty and joy.
The strategies or habits required to achieve excellence are many and varied. The only thing between us and success is our willingness to apply them! This is where the self-help books come into play. If I could lift just one strategy, I would encourage people to start with clear goal setting. Success begins when you take a dream, or even just a good idea, and describe it as a measurable goal. There is a world of difference between “I want to be slim”, and “I will loose 20 lbs by January 1, 2011”. The specific goal gives you something to work with and you can begin to chunk it down into actionable steps such as defining what food you will eat and how much you will loose each week. Similarly, you could dream of being a better supervisor or you could set a goal of acknowledging at least 5 employees on their contributions to the department’s goals by Friday of each week. Clear goals allow us to change our behavior. Jim Rohn, a self made millionaire, said, “You want to set a goal that is big enough that in the process of achieving it you become someone worth becoming.”
Setting goals begins your journey but everyone needs help along the way. In addition to studying the lives of great people, or people who have already done what you wish to do, you need to seek out people who can help you. We often hesitate to do that because perhaps we feel unworthy, or it simply never occurs to us to ask for help. We ask ourselves why on earth an accomplished person would be interested in helping me? On the contrary, I have observed that successful people usually love to help others. People naturally want to inherit their passions in life to others. They are often looking for people to mentor and, especially, that person to whom they can pass on all their wisdom and experience. I was recently helping a college student who was procrastinating over whether to visit her professor to get help with her thesis paper. She was hesitating to approach him. When she finally did gather up the courage to visit him, she was amazed at his supportive response and shocked to find a series of emails with helpful suggestions when she returned to her dorm. I joked with her that he was probably ecstatic to find the one student on campus with enthusiasm for his specialty: he history of fiber arts in ancient Russia! Seek out a teacher, coach or mentor. Don’t be afraid to keep learning. Successful people are lifelong learners. Chuck Gallozzi summed it up well when he said, “We have an innate desire to endlessly learn, grow and develop. We want to become more than we already are. Once we yield to this inclination for continuous and never-ending improvement, we lead a life of endless accomplishments and satisfaction.” – HT
